THE SMOKERS CLUB

by NORMAN THOMPSON - College Boarder 1953 until 1965, from Rainbow Cottage to Senior Villa dormitories

For the purpose of bringing you this article, I have included myself with this bunch of smokers as a bystander and was thus able to factually record what they were up to.

Let me paint the picture.

The scene was set in the early 1960s in the College Villa boarding.

A very small group of senior boarders, let’s call them “The Smokers Pack”,  threw up a big stink of not having a safe joint to pull a fag without being spied on by school authorities. Smoking in current locations like the old score-hut or behind the Junior Villa dormitories or even behind the Music Room were deemed to be too risky. Detection by those in charge would mean “six of the best” or even expulsion from SAC, the school by the river they loved.

So, members of this group decided to address this important issue. At first, they were hard-up for suggestions. Then their leader (let’s name him Mr. A) later summoned the band to a meeting and a flush of a few ideas were discussed. A safe location had to be found soon.

No. 1 on the agenda was a careful survey be launched. One particular bathroom on the extreme left among the row of toilet units just outside the Villa study hall was earmarked for investigation. A feasibility study was initiated and a report in verbal form was discussed and a final decision was made to decommission the flushing system here so that it would remain motionless when future visitors who intend to drop their motions here will simply be turned away. The other motion was passed 8 to 0.

For no explained reason, this bathroom was larger than the rest. Its floor plan was of generous dimensions 7’ x 6’, whereas its neighbouring cousins offered only a confined space of say 5’x 3’ per stall.

Number 2 on the agenda for discussion was how to decommission the cistern (the chain variety). At first, the task in hand seemed a complicated factor. Various briefs surfaced and the prime mission was to dismantle this system which was fitted at an elevated point against the wall, and to then discard these offending parts as far away as possible. Instantly, these smokers became untrained demolishers. Regardless of any future consequences, their fertile minds got to work. Tummies began to rumble with enthusiasm when arms reached out to lift the cover off the flushing system and delve into the guts of it all. With no tools on hand and Bunnings being a long way off in another continent, brute strength and a portion of elbow grease along with a history of 2 to 3  daily servings of parippu since joining the boarding was called for. The floater-ball and arm were wrenched off by straining every sinew and tendon and the system was thus rendered inoperative. It was decided to leave the elderly squatting pan unchallenged. The smell of success sailed through the air. A weak voice from the back was heard to say “Lord, forgive us, for we know what we have done.”  The boys were cock-a-hoop with delight. It is worth mentioning here that those offending parts later found their way to the site of the piggery under the cover of darkness.

Smokers usually entered their new environment in small groups. The popular brands of 3 Roses and Peacock were the fags of choice due to their affordability. A pause between each day was agreed upon to avoid plumes of smoke into the exterior too often that may raise the concerns of higher authorities. On days when stocks were low, sharing a single ciggy was undertaken by passing it around with extreme care in rugby-like fashion – from mouth to hand to mouth to hand to mouth and so on. On rare occasions when someone in line took a long drag, the “stick” came to an abrupt end – “No more light machang” was the call much to the annoyance of the others.

This space was not classified as a toilet anymore, but ready for use by smokers present and those emerging. It remained for its secondary purpose only for many years to come, and was acknowledged even by other senior students to be just that. It is worth mentioning that one bright spark introduced a ‘hansi puttuwa’ for the comfort of those inside. To this day, there is no evidence how this piece was delivered without arousing suspicion. The persistence and tenacity of this pack of boys should be acknowledged even to this day.

This is not fake news.